We are working on a SSD-backed key-value solution with the following properties:
Highly variant write latency is a common attribute of SSDs (especially consumer models). There is a pretty good explanation of why in this AnandTech review .
Summary is that the SSD write performance worsens overtime as the wear leveling overhead increases. As the number of free pages on the drive decreases the NAND controller must start defragmenting pages, which contributes to latency. The NAND also must build an LBA to block map to track the random distribution of data across various NAND blocks. As this map grows, operations on the map (inserts, deletions) will get slower.
You aren't going to be able to solve a low level HW issue with a SW approach, you are going to need to either move up to an enterprise level SSD or relax your latency requirements.
Aerospike is a newer key/value (row) store that can run completely off of SSDs with < 1ms latency for read/write and very high TPS (reaching into millions).
SSDs have great random read access but the key to reducing variance on writes is using sequential IO (this is similar to regular hard disks). It also greatly reduces wear leveling and fade that can occur with lots of writes on SSDs.
If you're building your own key-value system, use a log-structured approach (like Aerospike) so that writes are in bulk and appended/written in large chunks. An in-memory index can maintain the correct data locations for the values while a background process cleans stale/deleted data from disk and defrags files.
NuDB is specifically designed for your use-case. It features O(1) insertion and lookup, no matter how big the database gets. Currently it is serving the needs of rippled with a 9TB (9 terabytes) data file. The library is open source, header-only, and requires only C++11 https://github.com/CPPAlliance/NuDB
This is kind-of a harebrained idea but it MIGHT work. Let's assume that your SSD is 128GB.
Will the kernel be able to page stuff in and out fast enough? No way to know. That depends more on your hardware than the kernel.
Poul-Henning Kamp does something very similar to this in Varnish by making the kernel keep track of things (virtual vs physical memory) for Varnish rather than making Varnish do it. https://www.varnish-cache.org/trac/wiki/ArchitectNotes