I have been stuck for a couple of days on the same problem and I am not getting anywhere.
I am using a g:formRemote tag to update a messages template
<
You can add params to <g:formRemote>
Example from the grails docs:
<g:formRemote name="myForm" update="updateMe"
url="[controller: 'book', action: 'byAuthor', params: [sort: 'title', order: 'desc']]">
Author: <input name="author" type="text" />
</g:formRemote>
You could probably add a <g:hiddenField name="childId" value="${childInstance.id}"/>
to your formRemote Tag and this will send it to the server in the same way message is.