I want my urls to be extensionless, so no .php extension, I also want there not to be an opportunity to access the URL with a trailing slash.
The following removes php e
You're looking at things backwards: the first rule you have doesn't "remove the php extension", it adds it to URLs that don't already have it (technically, any that don't contain a period).
I think you want something more like this:
RewriteEngine On
RewriteBase /
# Remove .php from any URLs that contain it, using an external 301 redirect
RewriteCond %{QUERY_STRING} !^no-redirect-loop(&|$)
RewriteRule ^(.*)\.php$ $1 [NS,R=301,L]
# Now add it back internally
RewriteCond %{QUERY_STRING} !^no-redirect-loop(&|$)
RewriteRule ^(.*)$ $1.php?no-redirect-loop [NS,QSA]
Edit: While debugging another similar answer, I realized that the previous solution I posted here wasn't going to work in an .htaccess file. I've edited the example code above to use a rather ugly kluge for breaking redirect loops instead. A side effect of the kluge is that all scripts will see an extra empty URL parameter named no-redirect-loop
.