I developed a Java utility library (similarly to Apache Commons) that I use in various projects. In addition to fat clients, I also use it for mobile clients (PDA with J9 F
The Maven general rule is "one primary artifact per POM" for the sake of modularity and the reasons one shouldn't break this convention (in general) are very well explained in the How to Create Two JARs from One Project (...and why you shouldn’t) blog post. There are however justified exceptions (for example an EJB project producing an EJB JAR and a client EJB JAR with only interfaces). Having said that:
The mentioned blog post (also check Using Maven When You Can't Use the Conventions) explains how you could implement Option 1 using separate profiles or the JAR plugin. If you decide to implement this solution, keep in mind that this should be an exception and that it might make dependency management trickier (and, as you mentioned, pollute the project with "client filtering logic"). Just in case, I would use several JAR plugin executions here.
Option 2 isn't very different from Option 1 IMO (except that it separate things): basically, having N other wrapping/filtering projects is very similar with having N filtering rules in one project. And if filtering makes sense, I prefer Option 1.
I don't like Option 3 at all because I think it shouldn't be the responsibility of a client of a library to "trim out" unwanted things. First, a client project doesn't necessarily have the required knowledge (what to trim) and, second, this might create a big mess with other plugins.
BUT if the fat clients are not using the whole my-lib (like server-side code would require the whole EJB JAR), then filtering isn't the right "maven way" to handle your situation. The right way would be Option 4: put everything common in a project (producing my-lib-core-1.0.jar) and specific parts in specific projects (that will produce my-lib-pda-1.0.jar etc). Clients would then depend on the core artifact and specialized ones.