I really hate using STL containers because they make the debug version of my code run really slowly. What do other people use instead of STL that has reasonable performance for
STL containers should not run "really slowly" in debug or anywhere else. Perhaps you're misusing them. You're not running against something like ElectricFence or Valgrind in debug are you? They slow anything down that does lots of allocations.
All the containers can use custom allocators, which some people use to improve performance - but I've never needed to use them myself.