I both love and hate writing Bash. I love that it\'s so streamlined for operating on files and working with processes (I agree with this popular question that it\'s way
Since I originally asked this question, two projects have been released which attack this problem and do a pretty good job. Both reimplement many/most Unix tools in more programming-friendly runtimes.
Plumbum is implemented in Python and looks pretty solid:
http://plumbum.readthedocs.org/en/latest/index.html
ShellJS is implemented on Node.js and also looks pretty good:
https://github.com/arturadib/shelljs
Exciting developments! I'm looking forward to trying them out. If you already have, it'd be great to hear your experiences in the comments. Thanks!