This is how my connection is set:
Connection conn = DriverManager.getConnection(url + dbName + \"?useUnicode=true&characterEncoding=utf-8\", userName, password
Hint: On AWS RDS you need a new Parameter Group for your MySQL DB with the params (instead of editing a my.cnf)
Note: character_set_system stays "utf8"
These SQL commands do NOT WORK PERMANENTLY - only in a session:
set character_set_server = utf8mb4;
set collation_server = utf8mb4_unicode_ci;