A few comments on the misunderstanding you have of Erlang:
- Erlang guarantees that messages will not be lost, and that they will arrive in the order sent. A basic error situation is that machine A can not speak to machine B. When that happens process monitors and links will trigger, and system node-down messages will be sent to the processes that registered for it. Nothing will be silently dropped. Processes will "crash" and supervisors (if any) tries to restart them.
- Objects can not be mutated, so they are always copied. One way to secure immutability is by copying values to other erlang process' heaps. Another way is to allocate objects in a shared heap, message references to them and simply not have any operations that mutate them. Erlang does the first for performance! Realtime suffers if you need to stop all processes to garbage collect a shared heap. Ask Java.
- There is shared state in Erlang. Erlang is not proud of it, but it is pragmatic about it. One example is the local process registry which is a global map that maps a name to a process so that system processes can be restarted and claim their old name. Erlang just tries to avoid shared state if it possibly can. ETS tables that are public are another example.
- Yes, sometimes Erlang is too slow. This happens all languages. Sometimes Java is too slow. Sometimes C++ is too slow. Just because a tight loop in a game had to drop down to assembly to kick off some serious SIMD-based vector mathematics you can't deduce that everything should be written in assembly because it is the only language that is fast when it matters. What matters is being able to write systems that have good performance, and Erlang manages quite well. See benchmarks on yaws or rabbitmq.
Your facts are not facts about Erlang. Even if you think Erlang programming is a pain, you will find other people create some awesome software thanks to it. You should attempt writing an IRC server in Erlang, or something else very concurrent. Even if you're never going to use Erlang again, you would have learned to think about concurrency another way. But of course, you will, because Erlang is awesome easy.
Those that do not understand Erlang are doomed to re-implement it badly.
Okay, the original was about Lisp, but... its true!